


It Could Be Beautiful

by nelly06061



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 01:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18216080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nelly06061/pseuds/nelly06061
Summary: You are falling for Natasha, but there’s something within you that’s in the way. Natasha is determined to help you see past the homophobia your family instilled in you.





	It Could Be Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: INTENSE HOMOPHOBIA   
> Please do not read it this will affect in you in any way  
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own any characters in this work of fiction
> 
> I posted some works on tumblr about a year ago and finally got round to putting them on here so sorry if it’s kinda crappy!

it had been a few months now since the avengers had recruited you, and you could slowly but surely feel yourself falling for natasha romanoff, the famous black widow. every time you saw her you were stunned by her beauty; the vibrant red of her hair that always fell so perfectly over her shoulders and her emerald green eyes, guarded by beautiful long lashes. she was caring yet sarcastic, loving yet truthful, and you knew you were falling not softly, but hard, crashing and burning on your way. because every time you saw her you were reminded of what you were. and you felt ashamed of yourself, for liking another girl. you could hear your mothers voice in your head every time she laughed or smiled, telling you how wrong it was and how much you sinned and the shame you brought on your family. you would see your father’s face come to life with anger as he came for you, in some kind of attempt to beat the gay out of you. you had internalised it, convinced yourself you deserved it. and now, you couldn’t get rid of it. 

 

you walked into the kitchen, waking early and wanting a coffee. upon arriving, you realised natasha had beat you there, and was eating some toast. you walked in, calming your nerves and went to make your coffee.

‘hi y/n’ natasha smiled at you gently. your heart fluttered as you looked back at her, trying to work out how someone could be so beautiful.

‘hi’ you said back awkwardly as you stumbled slightly on your way.

natasha stood up, showing she was wearing a small vest top and pyjama shorts, showing her beautiful toned legs. you looked back up quickly.

‘do you want a coffee?’ she asked.

you nodded back. ‘thanks’

natasha smiled at you before turning around to make it. you tried to make yourself busy, opening and closing drawers so it didn’t just look like you were stood waiting for her.

she finished making it quickly, holding it out to you. ‘i didn’t put any sugar in it, because you’re already sweet enough’ she said with a grin and a wink.

you stared at her in shock, blushing profusely. you wanted to accept the coffee, and even flirt back, if that’s what that was, but the voice in the back of your head interrupted you. it infected your whole brain, flicking a subconscious switch inside you and planting itself deep within you. you turned on your heel, running out the kitchen, slamming the door to your room and sinking against the wall, cursing yourself. you clearly remembered your mothers words and you chanted them to yourself in your head, trying to wash out any feelings you had towards natasha. but you knew it wouldn’t work. that left you with only one option.

 

from then on you avoided natasha like the plague. you left rooms as she entered, asked to not be put on missions with her and tried never to look at her. it hurt in your heart, but you told yourself that was the pain of doing something wrong, being something ugly. natasha had only been joking that morning, but it had been a wake up call to you. you had to rid yourself of this behaviour and these feelings.

every night you would chant to yourself your mothers words, and sometimes even tried to inflict your father’s pain on yourself. you didn’t know what else to do. you never stopped to think for a second that it might be okay.

 

natasha had watched you run away that morning, taking a piece of her heart with you too. she had fallen in love with you, the way you hummed as you did walked around, the way your eyes lit up as you watched your favourite show and the way your hair caught the light as it flowed down your back. she gave a part of her heart to you, and she knew she would never get it back. instead, she felt pain every day as she wondered what she had done so wrong that would avoid her for months on end. all she had said was one comment which could have been laughed off, but instead she had to watch you look at her like she herself was the devil on earth. no one else knew what was up, but natasha didn’t resign herself to giving up. she was determined to be your friend again, because that would be more than enough for her now.

 

you had to attend one of tony’s parties, which normally wasn’t the worst thing in the world, except tonight, natasha was there, wearing a way too small and way too tight little black dress. it hugged her body perfectly, showing off all her flawless features and she walked in her precariously high heels with the grace of a ballerina. you stayed on the other side of the room, keeping yourself away from ‘the temptation of evil’ as your brother once said. when you saw natasha standing up and walking to the bar, you knew it was too much tonight so you excused yourself from your conversation and walked quickly out the party, purposely looking away from natasha. that, however, would be your mistake.

 

natasha caught sight of you as you almost ran out party, and due to your recent behaviours it didn’t take a genius (or a highly trained spy) to work out you were running away from her. she followed you, determined that tonight would be the night she would find out why you hated her so much. once she had left the party, she took her shoes off so she could follow you quietly, her feet padding on the floor and hiding round the corner as you entered your room. natasha stood on the other side of the door, listening to what she could.

 

you shut your door slowly, sighing and kicking off your shoes as you laid on the floor, staring at the ceiling. you sat up before you choked on your sobs, which wracked through your body. you didn’t care how ugly you sounded, if anything you deserved it. thinking everyone else was still far away at the party, you angrily yelled at yourself.

‘she’s a fucking girl! you are sinning and this is why you are going to hell! it’s disgusting, and wrong - ‘ your voice cracked and you hung you head in shame. ‘stupid fag!’ you hit yourself on your leg angrily, stomping your pain into the floor as if the building would absorb it and carry it away. but it only seemed to make it worse; the building took on the pain and it screamed at you from the walls, from your furniture, from the floor you were sitting on, all of it conspiring against you. you screamed, only wanting to escape in that moment.

 

natasha heard you, trying hard to keep back her own tears as she worked out what was going on. your last scream was so raw and painful, she couldn’t stop herself opening the door, quickly dropping down to your side. she grabbed your hands to stop you hitting yourself again and stared into your red and swollen eyes, still thinking they were beautiful. she saw a new emotion however take over them as you realised what was happening, one of fear.

‘y/n, it’s okay’ natasha said calmly and gently as she tried to soothe you. she felt the places where her hands were on your wrists light up as if on fire, tingling with electricity. she kept a firm grip on you.

 

you stared at her, processing what had happened, and realising how much she would have heard. the fear that clouded your eyes was not of natasha, but of yourself and your thoughts and feelings that retuned as she touched you and looked at you, ones you had been trying tolock away. but your mental damn had been ruined, the feelings flooding back in, the desire and love for the woman infront of you. you wanted nothing more than to lean forwards and kiss her lips, which were so plump and soft as if they were waiting for you. or, tempting you. you quickly jerked your wrists out of her grasp, scrambling backwards along the floor away from her.

‘get out’ you told her, though it came out weak and broken, as if reflecting yourself. natasha, unsurprisingly, didn’t move, only watching you and every movement you made very carefully.

‘i haven’t come to hurt you.’ natasha said as she looked into your eyes, catching them and making sure you didn’t look away. ‘you are hurting yourself. it’s normal and natural to be gay, or bi, or whatever you are. let me help you learn that.’

you shook your head slightly. ‘im going to hell. you cannot create anything when it’s two -‘ you started repeating your mothers words which were slowly becoming your own, but natasha stopped you.

‘y/n, you know that’s not true.’her voice was as soft as an angels, which you found rather ironic given the situation. ‘that’s not you. those lies you’ve been told, they are not you. listen to your heart. that is you. that is beautiful.’ she wanted to add you are beautiful, but she also didn’t want to push it. baby steps, she told herself.

you listen to natasha, trying to take her words on board, trying to make them push back the screaming in your head and from all around you.

‘just go’ you said hoarsely as you looked away from her. you lifted yourself up onto your bed, kicking off your shoes but staying in your small party dress and hugging a pillow tightly. ‘please’ you said again when you heard no movement. you stayed listening for her to leave as long as you could, but soon you fell asleep, exhausted from the emotional stress of the evening.

 

you woke early in the morning as usual, not too groggy as you had left the party before you could drink too much. the memories of what happened came back to you all of a sudden, invading your thoughts and taking over your mind. part of you was confused trying to figure out whether she liked you back or not, but you quickly quenched them thoughts, telling yourself it didn’t matter, nothing could ever happen. but, as you sat up, you saw natasha sat on the floor of your room, leaning against the wall. she put down her phone when she noticed you were awake. you started to panic, wondering if maybe something more had happened that you couldn’t remember, but you were sure not. ‘what are you doing here?’ you asked, your voice throaty from just waking up.

natasha stood up, walking over to you, but stopping before she got too close, not wanting to trigger anything in you.

‘i just wanted to make sure you were okay.’ she said cautiously, but what she really meant was you are so beautiful, how could i ever leave you?

‘thank you. and sorry about last night.’ you said apologetically, not quite sure what part you were apologising for.

‘no. don’t say sorry. it’s okay.’ she paused before continuing, saying what she had been practicing saying all night. ‘and you are okay too. i don’t know where you got these ideas from, but i’m gonna be here to show you that they are wrong, and you are right. and, you are beautiful. the fact you like girls makes you even more beautiful to me, because it works out perfectly.’ natasha tentatively reached out and took your hand. ‘let me show you how beautiful it can be.’ she whispered, coming closer to you.

you let her take your hand, you even let her come closer. all kinds of sirens were going off in your head, but you listened to her and believed her, because you desperately wanted to. closing the gap between you and natasha, you gently pressed your lips against hers, closing your eyes, saying everything that you wanted to say with one gesture. you pulled back, looking at her to make sure she was okay with it too. she definitely was and she grinned at you as you blushed.

‘show me’ you said, close enough that your warm breath tickled across her face. ‘show me beauty.’

natasha nodded, tucking your hair behind your ear. ‘it’s right here’ she smiled at you, leaning in to kiss you again.


End file.
